I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. That gun's name is life. It's easy to ignore our shortcomings and neglect things we should deal with when our life is busy. Because, well, you're too busy to think about those things. Eventually, we all get free time, and those things catch up with us. The question is, do you sit and continue in ignorance, or do what you can to change those things? Better yet, how do we change those things that we've neglected for so long?

These are the questions that are currently on my mind. I've made some pretty radical changes in my life, but I feel most of those were done when I was much younger. More able to change. I personally think the inability to change is some bullshit figment of my imagination, and with a little will, I can make the changes I want again. It's that first moment of jumping that's the bitch... the free-fall is a blast.

I love doing these lists cause it gives you a chance to think about all the great music that has come out. Granted, I'll probably revise this, but it's something to kill time at work.


Best of 2009

1. The Dangerous Summer - Reach for the Sun

2. Brand New - Daisy

3. Paramore - Brand New Eyes

4. Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band - Outer South

5. Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix

6. Passion Pit - Manners

7. Ace Enders and a Million Different People - When I Hit the Ground

8. Title Fight - The Last Thing You Forget

9. Them Crooked Vultures - s/t

10. Manchester Orchestra - Mean Everything to Nothing

Best of the Decade

1. At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command

2. Brand New - Deja Entendu

3. The Starting Line - Say It Like You Mean It

4. Ted Leo/The Pharmacists - Shake the Sheets

5. Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism

6. Ryan Adams - Rock and Roll

7. The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America

8. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm

9. Bright Eyes - Fevers and Mirrors

10. Nada Surf - The Weight Is a Gift

Today is just a blogging kind of day, I suppose. This one falls under my lack of understanding with social things and people. There was this girl in my music class in the Spring who I thought seemed pretty cool, but as luck would have it, she would come in after the class had started and leave right as it ended. Seemingly, just another one of those people who you notice in life, they don't notice you, and you never see again.

Out of the blue, my friend sends me a text message and says she's with her friend who knows me. I don't recognize the name my friend throws out so I look her up through Facebook and it turns out to be this girl. This just confuses the hell of out of me, not on a women level, but on a people level. It seemed that this girl who paid little attention to my existance and rarely talked to me somehow remembers me, my name, and being in this class with me. How the hell does that work? I'm more used to being on the creeper side of keeping tabs on people. As the creeper, you would think you would know when your being creep'd.

I kind of brushed it off as whatever until my friend asked me to go drinking with her and this girl. I can't really tell if this is one of those trying to hook up friends things or if it's like hey, they know each other, so yeah. I dunno man... creeper role reversal'd.

Done. Finally done with school. Right now I'm just feeling really excited about all the free time that I'll be able to devote to things that deserve my attention. I thought when it came down to the moment, I'd be feeling super-anxious, but right now, it feels great. I guess I was kinda fearing the onset of anxiety attacks like I had last year around this time, but *knock on wood* I'm feeling the excited side of that emotion rather than the worried side. Hopefully, that's an indication that I have a better notion of where I am, who I am, and where I need to go.

Does acting pretentious actually mean you have any intellectual value? My opinion: no, it usually means the opposite.

There's this old dude at work who talks like someone on the history channel, does that contemplative folded hands thing when he swings his chair around (think Dr. Evil), and if you hand him something while he's working, he won't bother to look away. He also tells really dry jokes and laughs like he should be having tea and crumpets.

Don't forget to stick up your pinky, you want them to know you're classy.

One of my friends become (and I use this term loosely) acquaintences has decided to move back to Australia. It's weird for me to even give a second thought to a thing like this, but all of a sudden I feel that people are leaving. Or at least, ultimately plan to leave. College ends and we are free to explore. The world is our oyster and all that stuff.

Am I stupid for staying here? I don't feel like it, but maybe I'm blinded by comfort of the familiar.